between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize