you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
