This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
