How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
