According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
