Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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