dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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