I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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