I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
