They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
