there's paper in my vomit.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize