OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
