So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
