note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
