so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
