the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
