How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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