My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
