So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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