Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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