i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
