"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
