Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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