So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
