I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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