Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
