I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
