The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
