I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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