trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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