She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
