jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
