so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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