so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
