I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
