My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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