Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
