If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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