allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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