weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
