One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
