how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
