How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
