Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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