there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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