the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
