Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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