their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
