Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize