I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
