She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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