do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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