dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
