the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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