This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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