Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
