So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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