i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
