her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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