I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You ate ashes out of my bong
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
