my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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