He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
