oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
