The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
