As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I love you.
Bad choice
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
