someone get that fucking seahorse.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
this is an emotional support booty call
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
