just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
