I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
