my phone needs a breathalizer
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
