I got chris browned last night
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize