I puked a lego.
I love having hate sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
